This year, I made a pact with myself to be more intentional with my life choices. To do things that fire me up and allow me the space to thrive. More importantly, I want joy and to fill up my cup, if you will.
In order to get just this, we need to have a true understanding of who we are. What makes us tick, what makes us want to crawl into a hole and never come out. It’s easy for some of us to spend an entire lifetime hiding from our true wants and needs.
But concealing your true desires will not feed your soul. In fact, this lifeless feeling leads you to a place where you ooze stagnation. You cannot force yourself to do things you don’t really want to do, no matter how hard you try convince – or berate – yourself otherwise.
I used to wonder why I felt so spent, and yet so unfulfilled. I started to realize that, while I’d give everything to a job – so much that I compromised my sleep and developed chest pains – ultimately the job would never give that back. I started to view work in a different way. I didn’t want to be in an environment that did not nurture my wellbeing.
I knew I needed to nip everything in the bud and start from scratch. I knew I needed to (sorta) redesign a major part of my life.
For me, this involved leaving a job that does not contribute to my professional or personal growth, providing myself with the allowance to work when I am well and to rest as needed. To uninstall the drilled-in capitalistic concept that Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm is the only way of working.
So, I asked myself: What does the ideal working week look like to me? What is something that I do passionately well? What things do I truly hate doing? What are my key stress triggers?
I also questioned the things I was doing more of a couple years ago: writing, reading, being active, updating my wardrobe (LOL). These are all things I look forward to doing more of now. These are all things that would make me happy. These are all things I ~want~ to do over and over again, not run away from.
But it’s left me wondering: Will it also take me being pushed to my limit before I make much needed changes to my life? How soon will I listen to my body, heart and mind? Can I allow myself to fully trust the process?