Nearly four months into the year and I can finally put thoughts of 2015 into writing. Better late than never, right?
It was definitely a trying year – even that may be an understatement. I was taken on an emotional rollercoaster. The kind of ride that results in dizziness. One that I couldn’t unbuckle until it was over.
“No weapon that is formed against you shall prosper.” Isaiah 54:17
In 2015 I grew to know brokenness. Brokenness was not writing for months because inspiration lacked. It was waking up to an email that I lost my job. Brokenness was breaking down while on the phone with my mom and hearing her words, “Stop crying. You just have to keep going.” Brokenness was not wanting to keep going. It was letting isolation into my mental home. Brokenness was ignoring instead of confronting. It was constantly reconsidering this passion. Brokenness was a feeling that left me battered and bruised. It was a call for help. Brokenness was something I didn’t want to know.
As many times as I told myself this throughout the past half year, I couldn’t really bring myself to believe in it. That’s exactly how doubt works. In how many instances have you been put through a tough situation and only saw what was present versus what could be the future? Doubt takes over and belief is trapped in a glass house that can only be shattered by faith.
A lot of exciting good came from the year that is worth mentioning in this. graduated with my B.A., traveled up and down the east coast, got my first apartment, welcomed the apple of my eye (puppy Elijah-Niklaus)… But I felt my world shake in the last quarter. I went through a series of emotions that made me question God’s plan. Things were going so well, but I guess we weren’t synchronized with each other.
I was going by one time. He was another.
I’ve come to realize that as soon as things get a bit uneasy, my mind wanders away from Christ’s promise. Is He really going to get me through this? Is He really going to be faithful if I am too?
Questions that exist with one simple answer. Yes. But how? Because He’s standing beside, in front of, and behind us in our lightest and darkest moments.
So in 2016, I vow to give Him the same promise as He has made to me. That same unwavering love. That same unbreakable trust. This year I want to be more hopeful of what’s in store for my life. There’s a purpose for every storm we face. Two options: let it submerge you or still be standing when it ends . . . because it always ends.
After reading this, you may still wonder exactly what this means or you may understand it all. I hope you find comfort in searching for the answer, just like me.